Holding Patterns and Their Hidden Payoffs

I once sat in a plane, buckled into my seat, ready for takeoff. The engines hummed with potential, the cabin buzzed with quiet anticipation, but after some time, passengers exchanged glances that said, “Why is this taking so long?, What are we waiting for?!”. But we didn’t move. The plane rolled slowly onto the tarmac, only to stop in line with others. The pilot’s voice crackled over the intercom:

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’re in a holding pattern. There’s a backlog on the runway, and air traffic control has asked us to wait before we can take off.”

At first, I shrugged it off. These things happen. But as the minutes stretched into an hour, restlessness set in. I found myself staring out the window, watching planes take off in the distance. They soared effortlessly into the sky while we sat grounded, engines running but going nowhere. I was struck by the tension between readiness and action, between potential and progress.

That moment stuck with me, not because it was unusual, but because it felt so familiar. Life, too, often feels like sitting in a holding pattern. We know where we want to go. We feel the engines of our ambition and potential roaring beneath us. Yet, we wait. For the “right” moment, for perfect conditions, for someone else to give us clearance to take off.

Just like a plane delayed on the runway, holding patterns in life can feel justified at first. We convince ourselves we’re being cautious, responsible, or strategic. The truth, however, is that holding patterns often arise from fear—fear of failure, fear of change, fear of what happens once we’re airborne and no longer tethered to the ground.

In the plane, the waiting felt safe. As long as we weren’t in the air, there was no turbulence to navigate, no risk of mechanical failure, no chance of a crash. But there was also no progress. In life, holding patterns serve the same purpose: they shield us from the turbulence of reality. They keep us grounded in the comfort of preparation and planning while delaying the discomfort of action.

For example, someone may have the ambition to start a business or pursue a dream, yet they find themselves endlessly preparing—researching, brainstorming, tweaking plans—without ever launching. This preparation feels like progress, but it’s really a sophisticated form of stalling. The engines hum, but the wheels stay on the ground.

The Cost of Waiting

As I waited on that plane, I realized something else: the longer we sat there, the harder it became to feel hopeful about taking off. Frustration grew. The flight crew scrambled to keep us comfortable, but the delay began to chip away at our patience. This mirrors the experience of holding patterns in life. The longer we wait, the more energy we expend maintaining readiness rather than moving forward. The cost isn’t just lost time—it’s lost momentum, lost confidence, and the erosion of resolve.

Waiting also feeds a dangerous illusion: that the perfect moment will eventually arrive. In realiy, there is no perfect moment. Just as no flight ever takes off without some degree of turbulence, no action in life is free from risk or uncertainty. The runway won’t clear completely, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t move forward.

Breaking the Holding Pattern

Eventually, the plane began to move. The engines roared louder, the cabin tilted slightly as we gained speed, and then, finally, we lifted off. The ascent was bumpy, as most are, but as we broke through the clouds, the turbulence gave way to clarity. From above, the delays and the waiting felt small and insignificant.

Life works the same way. To break free from holding patterns, we must accept that waiting won’t eliminate risk. The runway won’t be perfect, and the conditions will never guarantee smooth sailing. But staying grounded out of fear guarantees only one thing: stagnation.

Trust the Flight

When we act, even imperfectly, we discover something vital. The turbulence we feared is often fleeting, and the freedom we gain by taking off is worth the discomfort of ascent. Like that plane on the tarmac, our potential is not meant to idle endlessly. It’s meant to soar.

The engines of our intentions are already running. The choice is ours: stay in the holding pattern, or trust the runway and take off. Holding patterns are deeply rooted psychological mechanisms that serve to shield us from emotional pain and perceived risks. While they appear as delays, hesitations, or endless cycles of preparation, they exist because they fulfil a need, often one we’re not fully conscious of.

One primary reason for holding patterns is the fear of failure. Failure challenges our self-worth and can expose us to judgment or feelings of inadequacy. By staying in a holding pattern, we create a space where failure remains a hypothetical risk rather than a real one. As long as we don’t act, we avoid the sting of falling short, convincing ourselves that we’re merely waiting for the right moment to act.

Similarly, holding patterns can stem from the fear of success. While success is often seen as desirable, it also brings challenges—higher expectations, new responsibilities, and a shift in identity. These changes can feel overwhelming or even threatening, especially if they disrupt the comfort of the status quo. By staying in the realm of intention, we avoid the uncertainty and upheaval that success might bring.

Another underlying cause is perfectionism. For those who equate worthiness with flawlessness, the idea of imperfect action is intolerable. Holding patterns allow us to remain in a state of preparation, where we can endlessly refine our plans and shield ourselves from the vulnerability of exposing imperfect efforts to the world. It feels safer to wait than to risk the judgment that might come with visible flaws.

Lastly, procrastination tied to emotional avoidance often drives holding patterns. Difficult actions often require us to confront uncomfortable truths—about ourselves, others, or our circumstances. Instead of facing these realities head-on, we busy ourselves with peripheral tasks or distractions that feel productive but ultimately keep us at arm’s length from the core issue.

The Payoff of Holding Patterns

The hidden reward of holding patterns is their ability to protect us from discomfort. While they may frustrate our conscious intentions, they provide subconscious benefits that keep us stuck. The primary payoff is the illusion of safety. By avoiding action, we shield ourselves from risks—whether that risk is failure, rejection, or change. This safety feels like a reprieve, even if it comes at the cost of progress.

Another reward is the preservation of self-image. As long as we don’t act, we can tell ourselves that success is still possible, that our potential remains untarnished. This allows us to maintain the illusion of being capable or perfect, without the vulnerability of testing that belief through action.

Holding patterns also offer the comfort of familiarity. Change is inherently uncomfortable because it disrupts the known and forces us to adapt. Even when we recognize the need for growth, there’s a part of us that clings to the predictability of our current state. Staying in a holding pattern allows us to avoid the emotional labor of embracing the unknown.

Finally, holding patterns grant us a sense of control. Inaction, paradoxically, feels like control because we are the ones choosing not to act. The fear of losing control—to failure, success, or unforeseen consequences—is mitigated by staying in a state of indecision or perpetual planning.

In essence, holding patterns persist because they meet an emotional need, even if they undermine our logical goals. The payoff—a sense of safety, control, or preservation of self-esteem—can be intoxicating, but it comes at a high cost. To break free, we must confront the hidden rewards we’ve grown accustomed to and consciously choose the discomfort of action over the comfort of avoidance. Only then can we step out of the holding pattern and into a life of purpose and growth.

Emotional payoffs are the hidden rewards we receive for staying in holding patterns. These benefits often operate below the surface of our awareness, making it easier to justify avoidance or delay. Here are some common examples of emotional payoffs:

1. Avoidance of Pain

By staying in a holding pattern, we shield ourselves from emotional discomfort. This can include the fear of failure, rejection, or criticism. For example, someone who avoids starting a project avoids the pain of discovering they might not meet their own expectations or others’ standards. The emotional payoff here is the comfort of not facing that vulnerability.

2. Maintenance of Self-Worth

Holding patterns allow us to preserve an idealized version of ourselves. When we don’t act, we can tell ourselves that we are still capable of success, smart, or talented—without risking evidence to the contrary. For instance, not pursuing a challenging goal can protect the belief that we would excel if we tried. The emotional payoff is the preservation of self-esteem.

3. Illusion of Control

Staying in a holding pattern can feel like exercising control, even if it’s actually avoidance. By not acting, we remain in charge of our circumstances and avoid situations where outcomes are unpredictable. For example, someone who delays making a decision might feel in control of their options, rather than risking a choice that could lead to regret. The payoff here is the comfort of perceived stability.

4. Protection from Change

Change often brings uncertainty, loss, or disruption. Holding patterns help us avoid these unsettling transitions by keeping us in familiar territory. For example, someone who avoids leaving an unfulfilling job may find emotional security in the routine and predictability of their current role. The payoff is the emotional ease of staying in a known environment.

5. Avoidance of Responsibility

Taking action often means taking responsibility for the consequences. In a holding pattern, we can avoid the weight of accountability. For example, someone who avoids committing to a relationship avoids the responsibility of navigating challenges or emotional intimacy. The payoff is freedom from perceived burdens.

6. Delayed Confrontation with Fear

Fear of the unknown, imperfection, or failure can be overwhelming. Holding patterns give us a way to delay confronting those fears. For instance, someone who endlessly prepares for a task rather than starting it avoids the fear of discovering they may not be capable. The payoff is temporary relief from anxiety.

7. Validation Through Busyness

In some cases, holding patterns involve busy work that creates the appearance of productivity. This can provide emotional validation, as it allows us to feel we’re making progress without addressing the real issue. For instance, someone who spends hours organizing their workspace instead of starting a difficult project gets the payoff of feeling accomplished while avoiding the challenge.

8. Avoidance of Loss

Action often involves risk, including the risk of losing what we currently have—status, relationships, or a sense of identity. Staying in a holding pattern allows us to avoid the fear of loss. For example, not starting a new career might protect someone from losing their current identity or financial security. The payoff is the preservation of what feels safe.

9. Preservation of Relationships

Holding patterns can also serve to maintain harmony in relationships. Taking action, especially when it involves setting boundaries or making difficult choices, can disrupt dynamics with others. For example, avoiding a conversation about unmet needs in a relationship avoids potential conflict. The payoff is maintaining perceived balance in the relationship.

10. Relief from Overwhelm

Big decisions or actions can feel overwhelming. Staying in a holding pattern can provide temporary relief by allowing us to postpone dealing with complexity. For instance, delaying a major life decision might feel like lifting the burden of immediate pressure. The payoff is the emotional reprieve from feeling overwhelmed.

These emotional payoffs are powerful because they meet immediate psychological needs, even if they undermine long-term growth. To break free, it’s crucial to recognize these rewards and weigh them against the cost of staying stuck. Only by understanding what we’re gaining emotionally can we consciously choose to let go and move forward.

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© Ben Benson